It's Druk thung p[art 2

So its that time again.
Drunken blogging
I have two coping methods, 1 is making a joke and 2 i lie about how many coping methods I have. Joking is literally all I have. Seriously at my grandfather funeral (who I loved dearly and I wish to emulate in every  way)  when my uncle said "this calls for a couple of whiskeies" i said "good idea. Ill have a couple of whiskies too"
Dont get me wrong, i feel the feelings i just deal with them in a specific way.
Call me fat? Ill joke, say im stupid ill joke, birth of my first nehphew ill joke. Is it valid? i dont care this is the way i deal with things.
Point is im stressed about uni work, its not getting on  top of me exactly. its just hard and there is alot of pressue. this is my last chance to actually make something of myself. if i cant do this then i end up staking shelfs for the rest of my life. Im actually scared that i will be working in a shop till the day that i die and that i will never make my life worthy. i will die and people will say "chris ?? oh uh yeah i remember that guy, worked in tesco unill he was 55. Heart attack kinda sad" and thats it. after 6 months ill be gone for good
Well i say no fuck that. im going to make it, im going to get a degee with honers and im going to make myself and everyone else proud, but this does change the fact that right now i dont feel like i can cope?. how much work does it take before you crake?? it certainly doesn't make u week to neeed help or indeed when u need help if its right from the beginning or in ur 4th year. i think what im tryig to say is if you need to talk to someoe about it do so even if its a trusted friend ir a officional ....alternativly talk to me im  good listner, but if i mak a joke dont take it like im not taking it serouslt i am it justthe way i deal with stress.
Never feel bad that you feel overwhelmed, never feel bad that you have to ask for help and never ever give up just besace its difficult.
I have felt depression, I once stayed in bed for 3 months becuse i didnt see the point of getting up. Everyone hated me after all so what was the point. get a job? ill just be fired. get a girlfriend she'll just leave me "this too wil pass" so they say and im sorry if that seems glib or stupid but it will happen. You are not alone you  are not without Friends and family, you too can get over it.

Once i had lost my job, my girlfrfiend of 10 years, my flat, my life all in 3 months. I felt nothing. i felt lke there was no pont i felt i deserved the fate  because i was worth nothing.
It will feel hopeless, hard, without point. DO IT. talk to someone. say something. im so sorry but u have to say something to someone. of the hundred billion sperm that swum through that channel you wer the one that made it. you have the fight the drive to make it. and i bow down to you becuase you have the fight to make it.
I love you becuse you will nwver give up, you will make it beause deep down you will say fuck THEM. do it not because i say so but because YOU say so . FUCK THEM
you have to move on, if ur seeing someone that will help or if u jst have a partner that can keep the bad away.


Look you will fell overwhelmed, like it doesnt matter because you dont have a chance. but its opk to feel that wat but you cant let it  own you,  get angry, get even, get help even if its from me. next time u get an essay? "fuck you i can do this and in half the time!!"

m drunk, gonna go.im sooooo gonnnnna deleate this, the morra