Its a drunk thing part 3

So
huloooo
M drunk
I think the worst feeling in the world is "I like you as a friend, not someone i could date". i have heard this so many times its not even funny. im good enough to confide in but not enough to date.
Im the walking wounded someone cursed to walk the earth to  be the friend , confident and accoumpilce to almost every girl i know. They will tell me thing s they wont tell a boy friend cos im safe.
Am i sick of it? no. i value that have someone to talk too, i value the fact they feel that i can help them but i also want to be wanted.

i want someone to look at me and think " hes hot" i  maybe over stretching myself here maby cute is more my speed but  al i want is someone to notice me, and not for the shoulder i can provide them. dont get me wrong everyone , i want to be the guy that people come too. I love to help people but i also want someone who cares about me.
When my relationship with my ex was winding down my maine thought was "what if no one ever looks at me again in that way" now this is a real concern but i had to deal with that. I was not willing to trap her in a loveless realtinshio just because the guy she was with did not feel the same way because i waas scared that i couldnt find anyone else. that woulnd't be right . so i ended t. this was i dunno 2 -3 years ago and i hanvent dated since .
Sigh this is not a plea for help or a pity party , just that i think that finding someone new is tough when you surrounded by 20 year old women and equally available 20 year old men ,
Am i kidding myself? should i just get through my degree and move on with the next stage? Forget having a relationship and focs on my studies ie wait till i have  a hope? what is an unaccepted age gap? 5 years? 10? i didnt realide there was a rule really till comein here.

So im a friend of women thats awesome, the fat that they can open up to me is a thing i treaure  but sometimes i just wish i could traasnfrm these frendishps to a relationsip.
How does one do that? from hahaha yur so funny to take you pants off?? I dont knoe ,. I atcheved it once and that was with a special women who loved me . Maby thats the answer, every realationshonsip is  just  a prelude to the great love, just a practise till you get it right. you  have a dry run with every girl you date till it become right. Thats fine but all i want at this stage is simone who doesnt look at me and thingks "He can help me with my guy issues" i fel i sould stress that i dont harbor an inssue with that but i would like someone spevial to share it all with.
A fiend of mine met his special someone on-line. is that what i sould do? meet somoeon according to thie r profiele?   ugg i want to meet some in  a special way not cos the computer matched us up but because our lives joined at this point in our shared history.

perhaps then i dont have a point other than to say, search for that one perons they are out for you, and when   you ifnd them let them  knoe every day how muhc they mean to you

hope this means anythin really, g night. tfn
deleating this tommoro, u kow the drill