So, drunk blogging number 7 i think
Howr you doing?
Im ok but i worry for my friends. My life as it is right now is a no score draw. No realtionship, no job ( but student so its ok) but on the other hand no drama. If im honest i kinda miss drama, dont get me wrong bland has its benifits. But if you ave neather highs nor lows then you slide into the beige. this is bad.
Your life is defined by the events that happen in it if you have no events the your life has no meaning. I think that u have to suffer indignanty, heartbreak and abuse before you know what its all about
look i dnont have the answers, i wish i did but its just not my gift. out there someone knoews the exact words to say but its not me
but bak to my mates.
recenrtly alot of my friends have had to deal with things they realy sholdnt have tp. its not fair. they are good people and yet stuff happens to them wworthy of a neal gamen comic.
i pride myself on bein g the guy who everyone omes too with problems.
i WANT to be the guy everyone comes too
that said here is my advice
1 you will never make it unless you surround yourself with good people, not people who just agrrree with you
2you need to be honest wih youself, im not talking self depricaring , im talkig honest homnest
3 you neeed someone who loves you for who you are, and then will put up with you for the next 50 years
5dont let yourself get caught up in yourhead tpo much , its not a good place o be
6if ur unsure talk to someone about it
7 and most omportant : the act of observice changes the very thing you are observiing. This is a univeral law, considr that when thinking about youself or indeed others
ttfn
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Monday, 9 May 2011
Size doesn't matter
So they say size doesn't matter. This is true to an extent if you truly love someone then how tall, short, fat, thin they are shou...
well what did you think I was....
you people are filthy.
Anyway size doesn't matter so answer me this. WTF is a size "8" say?
Now when It comes to guy sizes it makes sense. 28 inches is 28 inches. Its a measurement that can be quantified and also gives you an idea of what size you are. With women its different size 10 means nothing. Its an arbitrary number. They could have called it "pinnini" and it would make the same amount of sense.
The really infuriating thing is that I could sort of see there point if these arbitrary numbers were the same across the bored. A 12 is a 12 in M&S, PRIMARK or TOPSHOP but its not. An M&S 12 is different from a TOPSHOP 12.
(Its not just a 12 its a M&S 12, mmmmmm foood)
aaaanyway.
Point is that not only does the number mean nothing its no even a consistent imaginary number. What makes a size 10 different from a size 12?? Gain a little holiday weight? Well you gone up by 2.
Wait ...what???
Oh but only if you shop here. If you shop HERE then you've gone down 4.
Your just making shit up now right?
sadly no
This extends to male ware too to an extent. An XL shirt is different in every store you go into. On me an XL from PRIMAK fits like a dream ( if I were an African elephant) however if I try to squeeze my increasingly (L) frame into an XL from TOPMAN its like trying to put a double duvet into a single duvet cover.
Its horseshit.
Then of course there is size zero...
Who the FUCK thought introducing a size zero was a good idea. Surely size zero is dead??
"removes sunglasses"
"What have we got?"
"well serge it looks like she died when she bent down to pick up a pencil and she snapped in half"
"death by stationary how.... pointless"
"good one serge"
By adding a baseline of zero they have given lots of invulnerable teenage girls something to aim for. Before it was just "skinny as possible" now its "death"?
Now i am no fan of math, frankly one day I feel like math and I are going to have to have a gladiatorial fight to the death one day but frankly i think there has to be an alternative to this random bullcrap. If you are going to assign a random number at least make it consistent with other stores
well what did you think I was....
you people are filthy.
Anyway size doesn't matter so answer me this. WTF is a size "8" say?
Now when It comes to guy sizes it makes sense. 28 inches is 28 inches. Its a measurement that can be quantified and also gives you an idea of what size you are. With women its different size 10 means nothing. Its an arbitrary number. They could have called it "pinnini" and it would make the same amount of sense.
The really infuriating thing is that I could sort of see there point if these arbitrary numbers were the same across the bored. A 12 is a 12 in M&S, PRIMARK or TOPSHOP but its not. An M&S 12 is different from a TOPSHOP 12.
(Its not just a 12 its a M&S 12, mmmmmm foood)
aaaanyway.
Point is that not only does the number mean nothing its no even a consistent imaginary number. What makes a size 10 different from a size 12?? Gain a little holiday weight? Well you gone up by 2.
Wait ...what???
Oh but only if you shop here. If you shop HERE then you've gone down 4.
Your just making shit up now right?
sadly no
This extends to male ware too to an extent. An XL shirt is different in every store you go into. On me an XL from PRIMAK fits like a dream ( if I were an African elephant) however if I try to squeeze my increasingly (L) frame into an XL from TOPMAN its like trying to put a double duvet into a single duvet cover.
Its horseshit.
Then of course there is size zero...
Who the FUCK thought introducing a size zero was a good idea. Surely size zero is dead??
"removes sunglasses"
"What have we got?"
"well serge it looks like she died when she bent down to pick up a pencil and she snapped in half"
"death by stationary how.... pointless"
"good one serge"
By adding a baseline of zero they have given lots of invulnerable teenage girls something to aim for. Before it was just "skinny as possible" now its "death"?
Now i am no fan of math, frankly one day I feel like math and I are going to have to have a gladiatorial fight to the death one day but frankly i think there has to be an alternative to this random bullcrap. If you are going to assign a random number at least make it consistent with other stores
Sunday, 1 May 2011
A letter to myself
So my flatmate just gave me a good idea. He said that he used to write letters to himself when he was younger and it was very theraputic. I am aware that your not supposed to show these to people ...but you know me. I can't keep anything to myself. The thing is that I am so forgiving of everyone but myself so this should be interesting to try out. Here goes... Oh also I really suggest you all do this. I hear its good times.
Dear Chris, How are you? Im fine. I hear you've got exams right now and I know how stressed you get about things so I just wanted to say relax and try not to procrastinate too much LOL kidding. I have been meaning to write for a while because I have some things to say. I must warn you, there is going to be some compliments, and I know you hate those.
You're actually a good guy you know that right? You have some weird thing in your head that tells your not but I think it might be time to let go of all the things that were said to you in school dont you? That was a long time ago, you were differant and so they were they. Plus you were all kids a loooong time ago time to move on.
You just had a birthday right? Wow 31, you kinda old hehehehe. I'm so proud of you for getting back into uni and managing to get to at least 2nd year. Academics never seemed to be your thing so it cool that you managed to change that. Have you given any thought to what your doing next? I suppose there is still time to think about that. Actually it perhaps to start taking the writing thing seriously. Write every day that kind of thing .I think you might be able to make it as a writer I really do.
I also like the fact that you have accepted your oddness recently, you used to kind of fight it when you were a kid and yeah I know everyone is unique and so therefore no-one is but you do seem to think in a squed way which is awesome. Your like part cartoon.
OK the girlfriend thing. It gonna happen mate. It happened once before and I know you never thought that would happen ever so youve been wrong before. Plus your older and wiser now . Besides you have been at uni for 2 years now so I have to assume your at least 2 years old. Move on you plonker hehehe.
Keep the gym and diet going, nice one on all that weight loss but you have to keep it up or you'll end up a tubby again :). That said your not as fat as you think you are. In fact pretty soon you wont be able to use the fat thing as an excuse. You know what im talking about.
Anyway It's been fine catching up maby write me back some time.
Yrs, Penfold
P.S Would it kill you to at least try and pay yourself a compliment once in a while the self depricating thing was so 10 years ago, sheesh.
well.....that was ..............weird
ttfn
Dear Chris, How are you? Im fine. I hear you've got exams right now and I know how stressed you get about things so I just wanted to say relax and try not to procrastinate too much LOL kidding. I have been meaning to write for a while because I have some things to say. I must warn you, there is going to be some compliments, and I know you hate those.
You're actually a good guy you know that right? You have some weird thing in your head that tells your not but I think it might be time to let go of all the things that were said to you in school dont you? That was a long time ago, you were differant and so they were they. Plus you were all kids a loooong time ago time to move on.
You just had a birthday right? Wow 31, you kinda old hehehehe. I'm so proud of you for getting back into uni and managing to get to at least 2nd year. Academics never seemed to be your thing so it cool that you managed to change that. Have you given any thought to what your doing next? I suppose there is still time to think about that. Actually it perhaps to start taking the writing thing seriously. Write every day that kind of thing .I think you might be able to make it as a writer I really do.
I also like the fact that you have accepted your oddness recently, you used to kind of fight it when you were a kid and yeah I know everyone is unique and so therefore no-one is but you do seem to think in a squed way which is awesome. Your like part cartoon.
OK the girlfriend thing. It gonna happen mate. It happened once before and I know you never thought that would happen ever so youve been wrong before. Plus your older and wiser now . Besides you have been at uni for 2 years now so I have to assume your at least 2 years old. Move on you plonker hehehe.
Keep the gym and diet going, nice one on all that weight loss but you have to keep it up or you'll end up a tubby again :). That said your not as fat as you think you are. In fact pretty soon you wont be able to use the fat thing as an excuse. You know what im talking about.
Anyway It's been fine catching up maby write me back some time.
Yrs, Penfold
P.S Would it kill you to at least try and pay yourself a compliment once in a while the self depricating thing was so 10 years ago, sheesh.
well.....that was ..............weird
ttfn
Saturday, 30 April 2011
Its a drukn thing 10
So her's what happejed. A women asked for a water at the queue for clarkies....lik etwenty minutes mago. and th guy next to her bought it for her. She was an attractive women and i got pisssy about it. So when she ordered her food i said "will you pay for this yourself?" i did not expect the reaction I got.
She was alsmost in tears
"I dont know why that guy got me a water for free, im sorry"
I said "but your an attractive women surly you get stuff bought for u all the time"
she was actually in tears by this point
"no. im sorry, i dont know wht ur tlking about, leave me alone"
yeah that right i upset an attractive womn cos i assumed she knerw it.
NOw this is very disturbing to me. I always think i know exatlywha i look like, i have a very clear picture in my head what my issueds are. HOwever t would appear that i dont know shit.
I have always porided myself on knowing what is going on ith women, its lik my thing. But this was soimething differant, she seesmed to have no idea what the problem was.
I said to her that i was sorrry and that i had judged her badly, that because she waas attractive i had made an assumtion that was not only untrue ut unfair. Again she did not clcik on.
i felt my own eyes fill with teaRS .
is it really that bad? do women feel so little for themselves? this is bad .do you realise just how men view you? i am sure u have a negative sterio type in your head of how it is but ther is a purity behin irt.
You are stunning
Im serious, see that small curve in you tummy that u hte so much? guy LOVE that, its hot. A little tummy is awesome. You think ur butt ius to big? fuck that nonsence guys think that hot too.
I could go on but its more than that. You are beautiful, not only because u are phisically attrativr but because u have understanding. You get us! no-one has ever "got us" b efore and here is tis wonderful , attractive amazing women who get it!! how can that not be sexy?
I just dont think you know how beautiful you are. The way you laugh it off when we pay you a compliment, the way you say good morning when the day starts, the way you give us a random hug, Its so perfect :D
Thankyou
Wwe love you, just the ewy you are
She was alsmost in tears
"I dont know why that guy got me a water for free, im sorry"
I said "but your an attractive women surly you get stuff bought for u all the time"
she was actually in tears by this point
"no. im sorry, i dont know wht ur tlking about, leave me alone"
yeah that right i upset an attractive womn cos i assumed she knerw it.
NOw this is very disturbing to me. I always think i know exatlywha i look like, i have a very clear picture in my head what my issueds are. HOwever t would appear that i dont know shit.
I have always porided myself on knowing what is going on ith women, its lik my thing. But this was soimething differant, she seesmed to have no idea what the problem was.
I said to her that i was sorrry and that i had judged her badly, that because she waas attractive i had made an assumtion that was not only untrue ut unfair. Again she did not clcik on.
i felt my own eyes fill with teaRS .
is it really that bad? do women feel so little for themselves? this is bad .do you realise just how men view you? i am sure u have a negative sterio type in your head of how it is but ther is a purity behin irt.
You are stunning
Im serious, see that small curve in you tummy that u hte so much? guy LOVE that, its hot. A little tummy is awesome. You think ur butt ius to big? fuck that nonsence guys think that hot too.
I could go on but its more than that. You are beautiful, not only because u are phisically attrativr but because u have understanding. You get us! no-one has ever "got us" b efore and here is tis wonderful , attractive amazing women who get it!! how can that not be sexy?
I just dont think you know how beautiful you are. The way you laugh it off when we pay you a compliment, the way you say good morning when the day starts, the way you give us a random hug, Its so perfect :D
Thankyou
Wwe love you, just the ewy you are
Friday, 22 April 2011
Of exams and self truth
Hiya
Soo for a while now, and by a while I mean 31 years or so I have been somewhat...self deprecating about myself. Now most of the time It's just me trying to be funny ( i do that). However it recently been brought to my attention that its not the most attractive quality. Who wants to spend time with someone who is down on themselves all the time after all.
I have had success recently with setting a goal and actually doing it (weight loss heh) so this is my plan. Perhaps ease up on the self depreciating humour. I'm not going to promise that I'll succeed absolutely right away after all its a hard habit to break.
Now thinking back i don't even know when it started. I was always like this weird, funny etc but when did the self ...hating thing start. i think it was high school. I always felt sorry for myself in primary school but didn't hae the mental capacity to understand just how much it wold affect me. But in high school is when it kicked off. I wont bore you with it all. Ive mentioned how much i hated that place until the tale has gone stale so we'll skip it.
Point is that it became a way of taking the insults as my own and so therefore i was in control.
However surrounded as i am by people who don't wish me ill it makes the coping technique a bit redundant
SO!
For a week I'll try and not "be that guy" im not going to turn into pure ego but for a change i'll try not and be someone who is down on himself.
Scary stuff.
Whats else is going on right now?
Revision.
I have an uneasy relationship with revision. When I was about 15 or so my parents would make me revise for exams and in my clever way i would dig my heals in and just not. That shows them, I thought, I'll not study HAH!
And then I failed my exams
So when it comes around for exam time nowadays I never feel like I do enough. Plus I still have a healthy dose of laziness about my personality heh. But then who doesn't.
Someone said that their definition of insanity is trying something the same way every time and expecting something different every time.
My revision is like that.
I do nothing, expect to pass and then dont.
See, crazy :)
Aaaaaanyway. i want to say to everyone, Good luck with your exams. Try not to worry too much you'll be grand. And i wont slag myself anymore....for a week heh
This post was brought to you by BUDWISER
Soo for a while now, and by a while I mean 31 years or so I have been somewhat...self deprecating about myself. Now most of the time It's just me trying to be funny ( i do that). However it recently been brought to my attention that its not the most attractive quality. Who wants to spend time with someone who is down on themselves all the time after all.
I have had success recently with setting a goal and actually doing it (weight loss heh) so this is my plan. Perhaps ease up on the self depreciating humour. I'm not going to promise that I'll succeed absolutely right away after all its a hard habit to break.
Now thinking back i don't even know when it started. I was always like this weird, funny etc but when did the self ...hating thing start. i think it was high school. I always felt sorry for myself in primary school but didn't hae the mental capacity to understand just how much it wold affect me. But in high school is when it kicked off. I wont bore you with it all. Ive mentioned how much i hated that place until the tale has gone stale so we'll skip it.
Point is that it became a way of taking the insults as my own and so therefore i was in control.
However surrounded as i am by people who don't wish me ill it makes the coping technique a bit redundant
SO!
For a week I'll try and not "be that guy" im not going to turn into pure ego but for a change i'll try not and be someone who is down on himself.
Scary stuff.
Whats else is going on right now?
Revision.
I have an uneasy relationship with revision. When I was about 15 or so my parents would make me revise for exams and in my clever way i would dig my heals in and just not. That shows them, I thought, I'll not study HAH!
And then I failed my exams
So when it comes around for exam time nowadays I never feel like I do enough. Plus I still have a healthy dose of laziness about my personality heh. But then who doesn't.
Someone said that their definition of insanity is trying something the same way every time and expecting something different every time.
My revision is like that.
I do nothing, expect to pass and then dont.
See, crazy :)
Aaaaaanyway. i want to say to everyone, Good luck with your exams. Try not to worry too much you'll be grand. And i wont slag myself anymore....for a week heh
This post was brought to you by BUDWISER
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Chris empty's the bins
To let you understand I'm a little hungover.
I go into the kitchen to make a snack and see my flatmates have being playing bin jenga. How this is played is when the bin is full just pile more and more crap on top of it until something falls off. The person who makes the crap fall off has to empty the bin. We all cry "jenga" and I die a little inside.
Fetid stink of bin makes my head pound. Go into drawer to find bin liners. There is none. Straighten up and stair into the middle distance I I calculate the likely hood of sending out a flatmate, realise I can't calculate the number of feet i have right now. Give up.
Go into room out one sock on. Cant find other sock. Feel bitter tears begin to well up but choke them down. Decide "Fuck socks" with a muttered grumble and put shoes on. Find keys and bank card.
Stumble out of house and down close, open door to outside and scream as the sun burns my eyes and sets fire to my hair. Stumble down to cross roads of death . NO traffic, look left , then right, then left. Take one step.
HOOOOOOOOONK
car screetches round corner.
Decide to wait for green man. Wait. meantime old people dodder across empty road, small children frolic across it like its an enchanted meadow. I stoically stay of side of road ignoring the points and derisory laughter.
Green man appears along with high pitched beeping with each beep hammering into skull like nails into sheet metal.
Walk to bank machine. put card in. stare at keypad until it tells me what the number is. put number in and read the screen "we are dealing with your request"
Begin to mutter darkly about the phrasing. We are dealing ?? deal nothing give me my money. Request?? its not a fucking request its a fucking order, give me my money.
Machine gives me my money and tells me to have a nice day, i tell it to fuck off.
Get into shop. March past the magazines of despair but read to quickly and accidentally catch one of the titles
"I have had seven miscarries but im desperate for a baby!" Fight black urge to kill self at the monumental fuckery of this sentence and carry on.
Search aisles unseeingly already forgotten what im in the shop for. Suddenly remember.
£2!! for fucking 10 bins bags??? why don't i just bend over?
Pick up a few other bits and peaces including something for dinner.
two people at checkout. 1 hot chick 2 old guy who drove a t -Rex to work when he was younger.
sigh at the sad inevitability of it all.
i get old guy
picks up items one at a time stairs at them like its the first time he's ever seen one and then scans it.
four hours later he's done and I can go on my way
Totter back to the flat and begin emptying bin. there is enough crap left over to fill another bin bag. Take bins down. On returning to my flat my flatmate is in the kitchen cheerfully telling me there was bin bags in the drawer after all.
I try and fry him alive using my hex vision by sheer force of will. it fails.
sit heavily at computer chair a broken husk of a man and begin typing...
I go into the kitchen to make a snack and see my flatmates have being playing bin jenga. How this is played is when the bin is full just pile more and more crap on top of it until something falls off. The person who makes the crap fall off has to empty the bin. We all cry "jenga" and I die a little inside.
Fetid stink of bin makes my head pound. Go into drawer to find bin liners. There is none. Straighten up and stair into the middle distance I I calculate the likely hood of sending out a flatmate, realise I can't calculate the number of feet i have right now. Give up.
Go into room out one sock on. Cant find other sock. Feel bitter tears begin to well up but choke them down. Decide "Fuck socks" with a muttered grumble and put shoes on. Find keys and bank card.
Stumble out of house and down close, open door to outside and scream as the sun burns my eyes and sets fire to my hair. Stumble down to cross roads of death . NO traffic, look left , then right, then left. Take one step.
HOOOOOOOOONK
car screetches round corner.
Decide to wait for green man. Wait. meantime old people dodder across empty road, small children frolic across it like its an enchanted meadow. I stoically stay of side of road ignoring the points and derisory laughter.
Green man appears along with high pitched beeping with each beep hammering into skull like nails into sheet metal.
Walk to bank machine. put card in. stare at keypad until it tells me what the number is. put number in and read the screen "we are dealing with your request"
Begin to mutter darkly about the phrasing. We are dealing ?? deal nothing give me my money. Request?? its not a fucking request its a fucking order, give me my money.
Machine gives me my money and tells me to have a nice day, i tell it to fuck off.
Get into shop. March past the magazines of despair but read to quickly and accidentally catch one of the titles
"I have had seven miscarries but im desperate for a baby!" Fight black urge to kill self at the monumental fuckery of this sentence and carry on.
Search aisles unseeingly already forgotten what im in the shop for. Suddenly remember.
£2!! for fucking 10 bins bags??? why don't i just bend over?
Pick up a few other bits and peaces including something for dinner.
two people at checkout. 1 hot chick 2 old guy who drove a t -Rex to work when he was younger.
sigh at the sad inevitability of it all.
i get old guy
picks up items one at a time stairs at them like its the first time he's ever seen one and then scans it.
four hours later he's done and I can go on my way
Totter back to the flat and begin emptying bin. there is enough crap left over to fill another bin bag. Take bins down. On returning to my flat my flatmate is in the kitchen cheerfully telling me there was bin bags in the drawer after all.
I try and fry him alive using my hex vision by sheer force of will. it fails.
sit heavily at computer chair a broken husk of a man and begin typing...
Monday, 11 April 2011
The three type of people
There are 3 types of people in this world. The introverts. The extroverts. Then there is me ;)
The introverts: Frank how you get that cut on your forehead
Uh I cut myself shaving
But...Its on your foreh.....
SHAVING!
The extroverts: Frank how you get that cut on your forehead?
Whoa! There was this women and she was being attacked. by two NO three guys with baseball bats, no, machetes.. Tell a lie it was 4 guys...... and a tiger
Me: Chris how you get that cut on your forehead?
Well.....I was in the shower, and I sneezed. Cracking my face off the wall. Disorientated and in pain I got soap in my eyes (and in the cut). I tried to find the water again, my eyes squeezed shut, and fell out of the shower. I lay on the floor, naked, bleeding and in pain.
And then the cat walks in (oh this story happened a few years ago now btw). The cat has always hated me and I can clearly see in her eyes the spill words "Another proud moment for you Chris?"
Then it decides my back would make a good bed. She hops up to my back and tried to curl up. I try and shake her off and she digs the claws in.
Can you imagine if more people were like me?
Can you imagine if you boss showed up late for work and his reason for being late was not his car broke down or he slept in? But he'd locked himself out of his house naked and when he'd tried to get his neighbours to help they called the police.
I think the world would be a happier place. True Id have to find a new thing to make me unique but id be willing to take the hit :)
Something to think about
The introverts: Frank how you get that cut on your forehead
Uh I cut myself shaving
But...Its on your foreh.....
SHAVING!
The extroverts: Frank how you get that cut on your forehead?
Whoa! There was this women and she was being attacked. by two NO three guys with baseball bats, no, machetes.. Tell a lie it was 4 guys...... and a tiger
Me: Chris how you get that cut on your forehead?
Well.....I was in the shower, and I sneezed. Cracking my face off the wall. Disorientated and in pain I got soap in my eyes (and in the cut). I tried to find the water again, my eyes squeezed shut, and fell out of the shower. I lay on the floor, naked, bleeding and in pain.
And then the cat walks in (oh this story happened a few years ago now btw). The cat has always hated me and I can clearly see in her eyes the spill words "Another proud moment for you Chris?"
Then it decides my back would make a good bed. She hops up to my back and tried to curl up. I try and shake her off and she digs the claws in.
Can you imagine if more people were like me?
Can you imagine if you boss showed up late for work and his reason for being late was not his car broke down or he slept in? But he'd locked himself out of his house naked and when he'd tried to get his neighbours to help they called the police.
I think the world would be a happier place. True Id have to find a new thing to make me unique but id be willing to take the hit :)
Something to think about
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)